the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
