i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
