Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
