I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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