I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
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I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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