Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
