Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
