I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
