I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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