I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
