dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
