Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
