Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
