y did u give ur computer a hand job?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
