make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
