I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
