the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
