Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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