She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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