I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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