Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
