I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
