Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
