I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You ate ashes out of my bong
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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