He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
