he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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