Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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