the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
dude i'm inner monologue high
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
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How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
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Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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