Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
