I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
