I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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