I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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