btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
