I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
