he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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