Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
