Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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