I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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