1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
