Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
