Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
