Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize