What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
