Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
