Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
