i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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