Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
