Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
