I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
