I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
