I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
