The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Alive.
So much puke
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
