It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
be right there i have to get my cape
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
