i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
