He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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