your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Randomize
