thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
