Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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