he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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