I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
