Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
