Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm sobbing to NWA
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
