Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
