i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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