They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize