the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
