I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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