Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
