just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
