Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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