I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
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I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize