i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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