oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
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