You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
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