the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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